Too Much Alone Time

By nature, I am a social creature. I like to have people around. I like to chat. I like companionship.

But I am also a homebody. Usually, I am quite content to sit at home on my holidays and read or watch TV. I like alone time, just not too much.

I have been alone with my thoughts for a few days in a row now, and I am done with it.

I start to wonder if I am going crazy. Am I depressed? Am I getting fat? Is there something else I should be doing?? Am I lazy?? Why is there nothing on TV? Why do I insist on watching crap?? Why haven't my emails been answered?? Why is no one commenting on facebook?? Where is everyone??

So thankfully, I am leaving on a road trip. I will have PLENTY of socializing, stuck in a van for 14 hours with a variety of people.

Will anyone be offended if I throw on the headphones and listen to the ipod??

Finding Parking

Before I set out on any trip, whether driving, taking the bus, cycling or walking, I have to plan my route. I will know exactly when I will leave, which streets I will take to get there, what I will do once I get there and when I will leave. If you can believe it, it helps me relax about the trip:) From here on in, I will refer to it as "the plan".

If I am driving, parking is the hardest part of the planning process. Travelling to the mall or to get groceries does not pose a problem to "the plan". Malls and grocery stores provide ample parking because they assume that you will buy A LOT of stuff, thus making sure there is sufficient amount of room for you to park your Escalade or Hummer. However, if I am going downtown, parking is a little harder to come by. Sure there are lots where you can park all day for $6.50 or, but usually "the plan" does not involve staying all day, so street parking is much more desirable. Plus, I am cheap and would much rather try to find a spot on the street for $1-2 instead of waste precious change on a lot machine.

So, I usually plan the street where I will park, but the whole way there, I am worrying:
Will there be a spot? What if I accidentally park by a fire hydrant? What if my windows get smashed in? What if my car is stolen? What if my errands take longer than 1 or 2 hours? What if there are NO spots? What if I get caught up in traffic snarls due to construction or rush hour traffic?? That will TOTALLY throw "the plan" out of whack!

And if I don't find a spot where I was hoping to find a spot, I seriously consider giving up and going home. I know, I know, it's ridiculous, but the thought usually does cross my mind:) Usually, however, my stronger, stubborn personality traits kick in and I drive around the block and find a different place to park.

And in case you are wondering, parallel parking doesn't really freak me out at all. As long as the spot is big enough:)

The Environment

Really it was only a matter of time before this showed up here. I mean, the environment is one of the things that LOTS of people worry about. I defy death every day when I take my bike to work in this fair city in an effort to cut down on my own greenhouse emissions (and save money, of course, but that's another post!).

I don't know if climate change is real. I have heard compelling arguments for both sides of that debate although, it's not very sexy to be on the "wrong" side (of that debate) these days. But I do know that human-kind is definitely treating the earth like there will be lots to go around when our grandbabies have grandbabies, and I tend to agree with certain environmentalists who say that will NOT be the case.

And I worry about it:

Can I, just one person really make a difference?? I've cut down on my garbage. I recycle and I compost, but will that really change the amount of waste that ends up at the land fill?? If I ride my bike will I die?? Will it help if I get a basket?? Will bringing my own fabric bags really cut down on my plastic bag usage when the cashier insists on putting the chicken in a separate bag anyway?? If I ride my bike to the store, but forget my cloth bags have I helped in anyway?? Is my asthma getting worse because of the pollution?? Can one person really make a difference?? Can I use less paper products when I am going through a major renovation?? Can you actually reuse paper towel?? Will these cloths that say I don't need cleaning products actually clean my bathroom sufficiently to get rid of germs?? Does feeding my cat organic food really help the environment in any way or just make the cat spoiled rotten??

And that's just the tip of the ice berg....

And I guess, most of us won't live long enough to see if our environmental choices really have made a difference. How's that for ending on a positive note;)

Family Gatherings

This weekend was completely full of family. Relatives in from Ontario and Washington State from my husbands side of the family and a family reunion with my side of the family. Normally, I love meeting up with people that I haven't seen in a long time. There is always so much to talk about, to catch up on. However, the problem that existed this weekend was the sheer amount of family and the time required to make connections with each group.

Are these people feeling cheated because I am spending more time with cousin Jimmy?? Did I remember to hug Grandma?? Who is this woman that keeps staring at me?? Am I supposed to know her?? Why does this person assume that I know who they are?? The last time I saw you I was 8!

And the conversations that ensue:

"Come visit us! We would love to have you!"
"I remember when you were only this big!"
"You look just like your mom."
"You don't have any kids yet? How long have you been married?"

Navigating family time is tricky. In the end, I always go away feeling guilty because I haven't really talked to this person, or met up with that person. In the end, there is never enough time in a day/weekend/month to catch up with everyone at a reunion and say all that you wish you could say. You just have to do the best you can and hope that everyone understands.

Interviews

I think that this is something most people can relate to....interviews are scary! I haven't had that many real interviews in my life, but I am always so nervous before hand.

What should I wear?? Will I be too dressy?? Too casual?? Will I remember all of the research that I have done for this?? Will they ask me questions that I can't think of any answers to?? Will I be able to represent myself honestly, fairly, but also perfectly for the job?? How will I feel if I get turned down?? How will I deal with the disappointment??

After the interview, though is the hard part. Waiting until they call you back to let you know if you've got the job or not....Waiting by the phone, heart racing every time it does ring, constantly checking messages to see if you've missed a call, feeling your heart sink with every day that passes....ahhh, yes....making your life a little shorter in the process with all of the anxiety and worry....

Good luck H. I know you will knock 'em off their rockers!

Transportation

Lately, in an effort to be green, and save on gas, I have been relying on public transportation. This is not a problem in the area where I live. I walk five minutes to the nearest bus, or ten minutes to the local bus hub where I can catch any number of buses going any number of directions. I like taking the bus. I find it interesting to people watch on the bus. So many different people take the bus. Business people, homeless people, kids without cars, elderly people with walkers, moms with strollers, people in wheelchairs....every walk of life is represented on the bus on any given day.

The only thing that I get anxiety about is catching the bus. I watch the street constantly, knowing that the bus is going to go right by, before I get there, and then I will have to wait an extra ten minutes for the next one. In my head, I know that this is not a big deal, but somehow, I think that I will look stupid if I just miss the bus. I know, I know...that's crazy and especially these days, I have lots of time to wait. Further to that, I usually have a book or magazine and an ipod to keep me occupied....but still I literally RUN down the street (even when I know I have at least 10 minutes until the bus comes) in order to not miss the bus!

Sometimes, I feel crazy. The thoughts and worry in my head can drag me down. It gets worse at this time of the year because I don't have any scheduled tasks to complete. I like schedules and routines and in the summer, I don't have specific tasks. I have to make myself busy to get out of the house and to get out of my mind.

I like structure. No worries about that:)

Punctuality

I HATE lateness. And if that sounds like an exaggeration to you, ask anyone who has known me for awhile to tell you about it. When I have to be somewhere, be it for an interview, meeting or drinks with a friend, I am ALWAYS on time, usually early. In fact, I am usually 10 to 30 minutes early, just so I won't be late. I get this trait from my father. There was many a Sunday that we would all be in the car to go to church with about half an hour to get there despite the fact that we lived 5 minutes away, waiting for my mom, who is also never late, but does not really see the value in being anywhere too early. How their marriage has survived 30 years with this difference of opinion is a testament to their true love for each other, I am sure.......but I digress.

Punctuality. The art (or science?) of being on time (and prepared) for the appointments/dates/meetings/etc that we participate in throughout the course of a day/week/month/year. Some people can always be counted on to show up when they say they will show up. Other people need to write it down. Still others need to be reminded beforehand. Some people make it a habit of making people wait.

These are the people that cause me and others like me to be sent into waves of panic at 7:02 when dinner was scheduled to start at 7:00. Why are they late? Has there been an accident?? Is everyone okay? What will I do with all of this food/these handouts/this coffee if they don't show up?? Do they still want to be friends with me?? Will I be fired? Did I get the date/time/place wrong? Did they forget?? Are they hanging out with someone else?? Are we still friends?? Should I call?? Will that make them mad??

Sometimes the anxiety turns into anger. How can they be so selfish?? Don't they know that I have been waiting here for half an hour?? Don't they know I could have been doing something else??

But usually, the worry turns into more worry: I hope everything is okay.....Should I turn on the news to find out if there has been an accident?? Should I call the police?? Should I cancel the reservation??

All is forgiven of course when the person/people that I am waiting for show up. The anxiety disappears and everything can carry on as if I never had a panic attack in my mind prior to said party showing up...you know....no big deal:)