Fire

We have a fire pit in out back yard. People who live in other cities can't really believe this. "YOU can have FIRES in your back yard???!!" they will often say when we talk about our (almost nightly) burnings back there. And while I am not entirely clear about the fire policies and by-laws in our city, I do believe that it is still legal to have a fire pit in your back yard and actually use it to burn things, as long as it is enclosed with a screen and at least ten feet away from any flammable object such as your house or garage.

Having fires always makes me a little nervous. I really like fires. I am mesmerized by them. I like to poke them with sticks. I like to start them (in appropriate places of course) and I really like how they warm you up on cool spring/summer/fall/winter evenings.

But I also worry about fires.

Will the fire become to large and uncontrollable?
Will we accidentally burn a piece of wood that has paint on it and make a hole in the ozone layer?
Will our neighbours accidentally think our house is on fire and call the fire department??
Will the fire department accidentally think our house is on fire and take it upon themselves to come over and put it out??
Will the smoke bother our nieghbours??
Will we have enough beer to feed the guests who are bound to show up??
Will our fire pit be able to sustain the use it gets??
Will we have enough wood??
Do I have to go and buy more wood and 7-11? That wood sucks and is really expensive.

Of course, the weight of the worry is always outwieghed by the satisfaction of hanging out with friends around the fire. Dee if you are reading this, I wish you could share this with us tonight.

Renovations

It all started because we wanted a different kitchen. The bathroom in the middle of the kitchen space did not lend itself to an efficient work space and we knew from the moment we moved in it would have to be changed. Now I am the sort of person that can easily make do with what I've got. And I honestly thought it wouldn't be that much of a disruption in my life.......(can you hear the hysterical laughter? that's me going crazy thinking back to the pivotal moment when we decided to go ahead and destroy the main floor of our house!) Because that is what happened!

Our house is about 100 years old, which we love! However, it has been reincarnated several times, as a single family dwelling, then as a duplex, then back to a single family dwelling (with lovely 70's accents). None of the renos were done well and as soon as we started our renovation I knew why. The disruption to our life has been vast and far-reaching.

And as soon as the demolition started, I began to worry. How will I ever clean up all of this dust? Will I be living in an constant state of "asthma attack"? How much will this all cost? Will we run out of money?? Will all of my clothes be covered in dust?? Will all of my food be covered in dust? How will I make my coffee/breakfast/lunch/supper without a kitchen?? Where will I read/watch TV/hang out?? Will all of the power tools start a fire and burn down the house before the reno is finished?? Will it suddenly snow in June?? Will the new windows let in enough light?? Will we run out of money and have to leave everything half done??? What about the back yard?? What are we supposed to do with all of the saw dust?? What about all of this garbage??? How long can this stack of garbage sit in the back yard before the neighbours call the city?? What if I step on a nail and die of tetanus??? Have I had a tetanus shot recently?? Should I get a flu shot?? How will the reno affect the cat?? Will we run out of money??

H. went to pick up electrical supplies this evening. Things are moving forward. At least for now.

Rain

It rained all day yesterday. Normally, I love rainy days, but lately, I start to worry....You see, about a month and a half ago, we put a laundry sink in our basement and for some reason, now we have to be careful if we get a lot of rain, because the drain is funny and can cause the basement to flood....Does this make sense to anyone else?? I've been trying to wrap my brain around it for the past few weeks and I can't so if anyone can help me out here....I'm willing to listen.

Anyway, the first time our basement flooded, it came as a complete surprise. I woke up one morning, and headed to downstairs to make a cup of coffee. I turned on the light at the top of the stairs and looked down....."Strange," I thought to myself, "I don't remember the floor looking so shiny before?!" and when I got closer, I realized there was about 2 inches of water on the floor in the basement....yeah, nice, I know.

So now, as you can imagine, every time it rains, I begin to worry. What if the dry wall gets mouldy? Will we all get sick and die? Will the freezer keep working if it continues to get wet from the bottom? What about the fridge? Can I electrocute myself by stepping into the water? What if I can't find the plunger to plunge the floor drain? Why doesn't H. wake up so I don't have to deal with this myself? What if I hurt myself down here and no one notices and then I get electrocuted while trying to save myself?? Will the house start on fire?? Will the dehumidifier continue to work at turbo speed until the whole place is dry???

This flood only took H. and I about two hours to clean up...Luckily (?) we had a flood about a month ago so we knew how to clean up quickly. Trying to look on the bright side of life is one of the things I am good at:)

Illness

We had a little issue with H1N1 at my place of work a few weeks ago. It was a little frightening when my boss came to me with disinfectant wipes and told me to wipe down my keyboard. Of course I did it......but in my head I was thinking "What's with the hysteria?". And then I began to worry.

What if I get H1N1 and don't even know it? What if I pass it on to my housemates and friends?? What if I die from this stupid flu only having lived these 27.8 years??? I decided that I did not need to worry about this, choosing instead to wash my hands about a thousand times a day and stay 30 feet away from anyone who looked sick, sneezed, or coughed:)

But then yesterday, I woke up feeling a little under the weather. My alarm went off, I opened my eyes and immediately I noticed that my throat felt weird...kind of sore and scratchy....Then before I even stepped out of bed, I sneezed a couple of hundred times, which really made me inclined to believe that I was sick:( Boo.

I hate being sick...I never really know whether I am sick enough to stay home from work. And the thought of planning for the sub that would come in for me, makes me feel worse. Here is glimpse of what goes on in my brain when contemplating taking a sick day: If I stay home will people think that I am faking it? Am I really sick enough to NOT do my job?? Who will come in for me and will the plan be sufficient??? If I go to work, will I contaminate my co-workers???? Will they be angry at me for coming in sick????? Will I get fired from my job for taking this fourth sick day of the year?????

In the end, I struggled through the day, survived and promptly went to bed when I got home at about 4:15 and didn't surface again until 6:45 this morning, feeling much better and not nearly so worried....maybe the blog is working already!!

Smoking

Now, let's be clear about one thing...I do not smoke, nor have I ever smoked anything except for apple-flavoured tobacco out of a hooka (sp.?) about a month ago. I did not inhale.

But still I worry about smoking....I worry about my friends and loved ones dying of lung cancer or mouth cancer or tongue cancer or emphysema or some other horrible smoking-related illness. And then, I also worry about me. What if I die of second-hand smoke related illnesses (because it would never be just one, oh no, it would be all of the worst ones combined into one horrible way to die.....but i digress)

What caused today's worry?? Well, I had just biked home from work and was pouring sweat as it was almost 30 degrees today, and there are guys working on the house. This is a good thing....but the "kitchen" reno is a whole other blog entry.....I said hi to the guys and went upstairs to cool off and get ready for the evening. Then I smelled something. Could it be cigarette smoke???? Yep. Is it coming from outside??? Nope. Could these guys actually be SMOKING IN MY HOUSE?????? NO, it can't be......but then I went downstairs....and sure enough, just lighting up in my "dining room"....I kindly asked them to stop smoking in the house and they promptly went outside (and they apologised) and I went upstairs...kinda pissed and kinda shocked.....I couldn't believe it. I was speechless and then I texted H. (my husband) about it. He said it was no big deal.....I disagreed and I voiced my displeasure. He maintained his stand, and I maintained mine.....but what to do. I asked them to stop, they did. End of story......but another worry sets in...

Will my clothes stink like smoke? Will the lingering residue cause cancer in me, my housemates or my unborn children?? Will I be struck by an astma attack in the middle of the night and die because I won't be conscious??? So far none of this has happened, but i have all of the windows open.....I'm not taking any chances, even in the pouring rain!

The Beginning - Money

I think that most people worry about money in some way, shape or form. I do, too. However, today's worry was peculiar, especially looking back on it now. It had nothing to do with money in the bank, or spending too much on a pair of shoes or a dinner out with friends....no, this money wasn't even mine, not really anyway. Like most teachers, I am given a budget with which to buy things I need for my classroom. This particular money was to be spent on this year's children only. That means no textbooks, no markers for the room, no teacher books, no instruments, or library books......something that the kids could take home. No problem, right?? WRONG!

SERIOUSLY!!!!! I've been shopping about 6 times and I can't manage to spend the money! What's wrong with me....I really like shopping, but it seems as though no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't spend the required amount. So not only did I feel like a loser, but here's where the worry sets in. If I don't spend the money, will I get the same amount next year? Will someone else use it if I don't? Should I have bought more for the students? Should I be doing more as a teacher? Am I failing my students? Am I good at my job? Will I be fired for not spending my budget? Am I going crazy? What will people think of me? And the list goes on......

This blog is about all of the things I worry about. I worry a lot. People could hire me to worry for them. Sometimes, I think that worry is good. It helps me stay organized and on top of things. BUT and it's a huge BUT, I think it may be shortening my life:( Some days my brain is in constant overdrive with all of things I am thinking and worrying about. Scratch that.....if it's on my mind for more than two minutes, it's long graduated from thinking into worry.

SO.....

I thought a blog might be helpful. Maybe if I get it out there, then I can let it go.....Will it work? Now I'm worried about that.....We shall see.